Soccer Player Hit in a Very Private Place, Gets Punished

What interesting euphemisms journalists have to come up with to keep their outlets family-friendly. In this case, Fox Sports had a gem of a headline (and subsequent article):

Intimate piercing gets player sent off

Was the piercing hugging the player? Were they closer than friends? 

The captain of a park soccer team in Australia was red carded for refusing to remove an intimate piercing that was only discovered after he was hit by a ball in his nether regions, the Herald Sun reported Thursday.

The “nether regions” is another good alternative expression. 

So, the guy got hit in the balls by the ball and then  had the indignity of being (prudently, I suppose) inspected, um, down there.

“He got hit in the privates, and I guess he was just checking to see everything was still OK down there,” an opposition player said. “But then the ump’s [referee] spotted it.”

That’s some diligence, checking on the guy checking on his junk. But, I will give the ump some kudos for being concerned for the welfare of the player’s future parenting opportunities. That said, things then became truly uncomfortable.

A fiery confrontation between the pair erupted, which was captured on amateur video.

“Don’t make it any worse or I will stop the game,” the referee declared before ordering the player into the locker room. The ref walked from the building moments later and pulled out a red card.

Under VicSoccer rules, players are required to remove ear and nose piercings. Eyebrow piercings have to be taped over, but there is no rule for more intimate piercings.

I can see the player’s point. His piercing was not in his ear, nose or eyebrow. Thus, what rule was he breaking? Perhaps the official was just super uncomfortable with the ‘intimacy’ shared between man and jewelry, especially jewelry attached to the man’s other family jewels.

I’m not sure the man deserved a redcard after taking a hit in his most vulnerable of physical attributes.  However, at least we got a video of the confrontation out of it.

Oh, and if you enjoyed the Fox Sports headline, the source for the story (and the video) is the Herald Sun in Australia. Its headline is just spectacular.

Captain’s red card for bling ding-a-ling

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